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Jun. 8th, 2005
I was reading the book "The Salmon of Doubt", which if you haven't read you really should. It's very good.
Anyway, I came across the line, "Other people will ask how I can possibly claim to know."
I started thinking about life and knowing things. Sometimes when people ask what I'm doing now that I've left Bon-Ton, I get the urge to say, "Well, there's a plan, but I'm really not 100% sure." I don't say that; I say I'm going to grad school. But I wonder if I "know" that. In college I "knew" I was going to major in French and be a French teacher. Well, teaching didn't work out. Now I'm supposed to "know" that I'm going to grad school to become a librarian. Well, I want to; I'm looking forward to grad school. I'm about 99% sure that's what will happen, but there's a hint of doubt. Something could happen over the summer that could stop me from going to school. And even once I end up there, there's still that doubt. I thought teaching was what I wanted to do. Now I think being a librarian is what I want. I was wrong once. What's to stop me from being wrong again? I had a friend tell me recently that if I'm wrong I'll just find something else. Makes sense; a very positive approach. However, being wrong scares me. I already had my life turned upside down once. I do not want or need for that to happen again. I never want to feel like I have no direction ever again; trust me, that is NOT a good feeling. Hopefully I will read this entry later and wonder how I could have been so pessimistic. I'm not going to say I "know" things will turn out fine. But life *has* taught me that they seem to have a way of doing that most of the time. Even if it takes over a year for you to realize that you survived.
Anyway, I came across the line, "Other people will ask how I can possibly claim to know."
I started thinking about life and knowing things. Sometimes when people ask what I'm doing now that I've left Bon-Ton, I get the urge to say, "Well, there's a plan, but I'm really not 100% sure." I don't say that; I say I'm going to grad school. But I wonder if I "know" that. In college I "knew" I was going to major in French and be a French teacher. Well, teaching didn't work out. Now I'm supposed to "know" that I'm going to grad school to become a librarian. Well, I want to; I'm looking forward to grad school. I'm about 99% sure that's what will happen, but there's a hint of doubt. Something could happen over the summer that could stop me from going to school. And even once I end up there, there's still that doubt. I thought teaching was what I wanted to do. Now I think being a librarian is what I want. I was wrong once. What's to stop me from being wrong again? I had a friend tell me recently that if I'm wrong I'll just find something else. Makes sense; a very positive approach. However, being wrong scares me. I already had my life turned upside down once. I do not want or need for that to happen again. I never want to feel like I have no direction ever again; trust me, that is NOT a good feeling. Hopefully I will read this entry later and wonder how I could have been so pessimistic. I'm not going to say I "know" things will turn out fine. But life *has* taught me that they seem to have a way of doing that most of the time. Even if it takes over a year for you to realize that you survived.